Alright, so if you follow me on twitter you know that about a week ago my doctor was stupid and wouldn't write me a prescription for the medications I've been on for two years because I moved. Long story short, I complained to his boss and his boss got me in touch with a psychiatrist who gave me emergency prescriptions for the rest of the month. So I'm fine now! No need to freak!
However, I was without medication for two days and lets just say... That was neat.
I haven't been medicine free in four years. I have bipolar disorder and occasional bouts of psychosis, both of which are very mild and I'm very fortunate. However, on the second day before I went to work I took a clonopin (a medicine for anxiety) so I wouldn't get sick, but instead took a trazadone (a medicine for sleep).
In the middle of the morning shift, I apparently went very pale and started writing frantically, before standing up and immediately passing out. I was fine about twenty minutes later, all that jazz, but what my supervisor told me was that whatever I was writing was VERY important to me at the time.
For some context-
I'm currently reading Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk who is an incredible author. You should read it.
I used to have an eating disorder, I do not anymore, and I AM DOING VERY WELL. I think I was writing from the perspective of Daisy St Patience but I am not sure.
Ryan Ross, Z Berg, Billie Joe Armstrong, Gerard Way, Bert Mccracken, Jimmy Urine, Lin-Z, Le4f, and Angel Haze are all musicians I look up to.
This is what I wrote, word for word, in my journal.
"Ever the actress, her fingertips became her new throat coat. She set her stomach flab on the butcher block, screaming as she cut a baby carrot in half. Who wants children these days, anyway? Keep in mind the spiders, you liars, their eight footprints walk on jesus' beach until eight become six become four become two and you will call this creature a monster. You must call this creature a monster. He thinks it is a great achievement, evolution by salt water, but our empathy stops with two legs a full face and pale white skin- not spiders. Don't worry about the Princess Brandy Alexander, she knows how to handle her own hands. If you cannot disguise it- emphasize it. Let everyone know that you don't want to change your hobbit hands and accept that they are huge and powerful and manly- and the Princess Brandy Alexander does not need to be a man in order to crush you with her hairy, split knuckles, adorned with the crowning jewels of her vanquished foes- all except her own, that belongs with a mute traveller in the circus of rhyme in the circus of pain in the circus of brain. Nothing rhymes with circus but prostitutes follow along in absolutes and eventually, eventually Ryan Ross and Z Berg and Billie Joe Armstrong and Gerard Way and Bert Mccracken and Jimmy Urine and Lin-Z and Le4f and Angel Haze and me should get together and smoke some pot and solve every world issue.
Sleep is for the meerkat the skittish rodents who hide whenever things get tough. I am a meerkat. My white belly invites predators to rip it open to investigate the contents. They count the carbs away."
So. If you ever want me to get real weird and introspective and obnoxiously poetic, take away my drugs. There ya go, world.